Musharraf is visiting Europe. How would a side trip to the washboard in Spain work out? Musharraf is brought to Spain and the old waterboarding apparatus taken out.
Musharraf: You aren’t going to actually go through with this are you?
Inquisitor: We will save your soul. Besides its John Yoo certified not to be torture.
Mush: Koreans have a violent streak in them.
Inquisitor: Don’t be racist. We want the truth.
Mush: I thought don’t be racist meant don’t tell the truth.
Inquisitor: This will be easier for you if you cooperate.
Mush: I’m a general in the Pakistani army.
Inquisitor: Then you should understand that without having to be told.
Mush: What did you want to know exactly? You want to ask me if I think blacks have lower IQ because of genes?
Inquisitor: We are not interested in that.
Mush: You want to know where the little girl Madeleine is?
Inquisitor: You know that?
Mush: No, but I’ve got a good guess.
Mush: I hear there is someone in Dubai who was actually prosecuted for his attraction to little Western girls. Why don’t you look in his house?
Inquisitor: We are interested in your Dubai connection, but more in terms of funding 9-11 than in the girl. Of course, if you could bring us hard information it would go easier for you.
Mush: Sorry, what happens in Dubai stays in Dubai.
Inquisitor: The CIA told me that in their training program.
Mush: Take it from me, its true.
Inquisitor: What about Bhutto, did you order her death?
Mush: What if I say no?
Inquisitor: Water is in your future.
Mush: So you want a yes answer?
Inquisitor: We want details or you go under the water.
Mush: I ordered it. The ISI did it. They arranged some fool to be the suicide bomber and another guy to pull the trigger.
Inquisitor: What about 9-11?
Mush: Same deal. But bin Laden did think of it. We knew it was coming down.
Inquisitor: And you knew to have your man General Ahmad of the ISI in DC to get money on 9-11?
Mush: We had debt of 38 billion on 9-11 and our interest was greater than our gross exports. If we didn’t get aid we would have to give up our nuclear program to get aid.
Inquisitor: And you needed A. Q. Khan to sell nuclear know-how to pay for the program and give you all walking around money?
Mush: When its in the millions we call it flying around money.
Inquisitor: Excuse me.
Mush: No problem. You couldn’t be expected to know.
Inquistor: So you needed flying around money for yourself? That’s what 9-11 was for so you could have flying around money?
Mush: Its funny isn’t it? We crash two jets into buildings so we can have flying around money to go to Switzerland and other banking havens.
Inquisitor: People jumped off those buildings because it got so hot. You watched them jump on TV and then General Ahmad of the ISI in DC asked for money?
Mush: When you need money you do what you gotta do. We were under sanctions. It was get paid to fight terrorism or give up our nukes to get sanctions lifted. And that would have cut the money we were making by A. Q. Khan selling nuclear know-how. We needed that to trade with North Korea, Iran, Libya, and so on. We don’t have oil you know.
Inquisitor: I think I’ve heard that.
Mush: So what’s it going to be? I’ve played ball. How about a ticket out of here?
Inquisitor: So you can spend your flying around money?
Mush: I can’t take it with me.
The above is satire.