Declaration of Independence of the FBI

June 19, 2013

IN Secret, Date Redacted

The unanimous Declaration of the redacted FBI offices of the united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one secret police to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with any identifiable people, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s ungodly entitle them, an indecent contempt to the opinions of mankind requires that they should conceal the causes which impel them to the usurpation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created unequal, that they are bound over to us by our own secret power without any unalienable Rights, that among these rights denied are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to take these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their unjust powers from the consent of the secret police, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the role of the security services to alter or to abolish it, and to institute corrupt Government, laying its pretended foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to fool the masses into thinking they have safety.

Apathy, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is our role, the secret police, to impose such Government, and to provide false Guards for their future security.

–Such has been the patient sufferance of these states; and such is now the necessity which constrains them under us instead of their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Kenya is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be withheld from a candid world.

(To be continued)

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