Frederico the FBI agent and Ainsley the academic activist run into each other at the Paul bakery on Pennsylvania Avenue near the FBI HQ in DC. They are next to each other in line to order.
Fred: So what do you think of the Stanley Fischer nomination for Fed vice chairman?
Ainsley: If you guys did your job you would expose him for Russia using kompromat on him to get IMF loans in the 1990s.
Fred: That isn’t our job.
Ainsley: How is it not your job?
Fred: That is egg head stuff.
Ainsley: Egg head stuff is what changes the world. Atom bomb secrets. IMF loans. Those change things for the ordinary man.
Fred: That might be but my bosses don’t think that.
Ainsley: You just deal with the Todashev types.
Fred: Well you don’t want to, do you?
Ainsley: (To counter clerk) I’ll have the sandwich Atlantique and an iced Americano.
Fred: It’s January and you are having an iced Americano? You academic types have no sense.
(To counter clerk) I’ll have the ham and cheese and a real coffee.
Ainsley: I can’t believe you guys did a background check on Stanley Fischer and ignored the plagiarism in his Ph.D. thesis.
Fred: That’s for the universities to investigate.
Ainsley: Yeah, the universities in Russia. They did the investigation and Russia got IMF loans in the 1990s as a reward.
Fred: Says you.
Ainsley: Why do you think Long Term Capital bought Russian government bonds like they had inside information.
Fred: I don’t know why some egghead hedge fund does anything.
Ainsley: Because they knew that Fischer had plagiarized Nils Hakansson and they knew Russia knew about it and they knew Russia used in the 1970s to pressure Nobel Prize nominations for Kantorovich.
Fred: Maybe, but that is just academic gossip.
Ainsely: He’s nominated for Fed Vice Chairman. What does the FBI think a background check is? It isn’t like he runs drugs.
Fred: If he did, we’d find it.
Ainsely: But you are told what is real problem is and you don’t investigate it.
Fred: That’s for the universities to do.
Ainsley: They are in on it. They snow you every time you do a background check on one of these econ profs.
Fred: That really isn’t the problem of the FBI.
Ainsley: You didn’t do so well on the Boston Bombing.
Fred: Because the academics didn’t tell us what we needed to know.
Ainsley: Because they were covering up. If you had investigated them before on the Russia IMF loans you would have understood why Russia gave a warning on Chechens in Boston. Chechens resent the IMF loans and want revenge.
Fred: How are we supposed to know that?
Ainsley: Read the Internet.
Fred: That is analyst work.
(They sit down at a table and eat their sandwiches.)
Ainsley: If you started with where the complaints were, you would make progress. The complaint about Stanley Fischer is that he plagiarized Nils Hakansson and then Russia learned that and used it as kompromat to get IMF loans. You are supposed to do a background check on him. Well that is the complaint so investigate that.
Fred: That’s for the universities.
Ainsley: So what do you do?
Fred: These academic background checks are just a soft gig between tough assignments.
Ainsley: So you admit you do nothing.
Fred: That complaint was out there on the Internet for years and the universities did nothing. That proves there was nothing to it. So the FBI had nothing to investigate.
Ainsley: Do you use this method with the Mafia?
Fred: Exposing the universities is not our job.
Ainsley: So it’s Russia’s job.
Fred: No, it’s your job.
Ainsley: I’ve exposed it for you. You just need to ask them the same questions. Ask MIT to investigate. I’ve already submitted formal requests in writing to MIT to investigate, two times. Once in January 2013 and once this week.
Fred: Well, maybe they will investigate it this time.
Ainsley: Not much chance of that.
Fred: Then he gets confirmed. He’s supposed to be really good from what I hear.
Ainsley: He has ruined entire countries and enriched himself. Same MO as he used on Hakansson.
Fred: That is egghead business.
Ainsley: Russia used the same methods to get the atom bomb secrets. Is that just egghead business?
Fred: That is the past.
(At this point they have finished their sandwiches.)
Ainsley: It’s insane, I am in an insane asylum. You are told exactly what the Russians did and how they did it and you ignore it. What do you do?
Fred: We investigate those who are a threat to the security of those in power.
Ainsley: Praetorian guard.
Fred: Call it what you want, but our bosses are pleased.
Ainsley: While the country runs down.
Fred: If the country doesn’t like being run down, they should speak up.
(They get up and head out separate doors, Fred back towards FBI, Ainsley to do research at the National Archives.)
Ainsley: Well I hope your friends have a chuckle over this.
Fred: We will.